thoughts...

As time goes on it seems more and more difficult to say goodbye. I treasure the moment s leading up to a farewell--but, hate the actual "goodbye." Loving someone leaves my heart so entirely vulnerable. I absolutely detested watching Sarah, whom I hold in such high regard, slowly disappear as I walked through security and on to gate number 43. I didn't try to find her with my eyes once I was through. I was afraid of the tears that were threatening to escape.

As we took off I watched in memorized awe as the mountains drifted on past. I wondered whether the couple sitting next to me was even half as disappointed as I was to leave. They were working on a crossword puzzle and did not even glance out the window at the beautiful land that was passing beneath us. When we arrived in Denver, three days before, I couldn't see the mountains because it had been late in the night and the darkness had hidden the bumps on the ground. It had been my mission to find them the next day. I had eagerly pointed them out with a hop+ a bounce saying "I see the mountains. Oh look! The mountains..." And now, as the plane took off, I found them again. That's when I cried. But, very little--the couple next to me seemed to be having such a good time with their crossword puzzle. I wouldn't have wanted to interrupt their game with loud weeping. I'm sure that could be rather disturbing.



It wasn't the sight of the mountains that made me so sad, although that certainly attributed. I loved Colorado; it's a beautiful place. The coolest; near to perfection. But, it was the people I had further begun to know, learn about and cherish that made the place what it was. I looked ahead a couple rows and saw Annie's head pressed against the plane window as well. I was glad one of my friends was coming home with me. But, I had left two.


I'm so very glad I was able to travel with annie to Colorado. It was one of the best trips I have yet to experience. annie was wonderful company; a perfect traveling companion. It has been fun finding out how similar our tastes are. Except, she doesn't like green beans. But, I'll forgive her for that grievous mistake because she pumpkin tasty things, loves looking at the sky, reading good books, taking amazing pictures, laughing at memories, valuing God above everything, listening to Christmas music and sharing her enthusiasm with me. Annie and I have grand adventures no matter the circumstance.


I have a myriad of memories to share with her now. and I am very very very thankful for them.
Leaving was sad. Very sad. I dreaded coming back home and falling once more into the routine of school. On the flight home the burden seemed to dramatically fall with a BIG thud on my shoulders as I studied frantically for a test I had to take at eight the next day. I feel as if I get so easily discouraged by family, friends, strangers, circumstances. In Colorado it was...different. Life seemed to become what it was meant to be--alive. I know why. Little detour right now...stick with me and you may read some sort of sense in all of these words. I'm trying. (:

I'll state the obvious: God is all that matters. When I take my eyes away from Him the world seems to cave in and swallow me up. For instance, this weekend we went hiking. Half-way through the hike I began to think about departure, leaving sarah...etc. I had had the most fantastic time in the span of 24 hours and I was overcome with a surge of hopelessness at leaving it all. Thus, I grew aggrivated w/ myself and intimidated by the lives of the people surrounding me. Sometimes I wish I could be half the people they are. That's what's so incredible, you see, these lives shout something more to me. Just looking at the past few months and what God has done in their lives is awe-inspiring. I'm so very happy for Sarah and the way God has made it clear that Colorado was the right move. But, during the hike I let that leave my mind and I dwelt too heavily on the sorrow when I could have looked at the joy.

When I get sad I don't feel like talking to many people. I'd rather just be stubbornly silent. So, I was. I'll steal a quote in order to relay how I currently feel: "I regret that from the deepest part of my tiny heart" because it wasted precious time. I could have looked at the good things.

Which, is why Colorado was so great. The people I was with looked at the good things. They had THE best thing in mind at all times + didn't hesitate to ever share it. Their lives are examples of Christ to me. Sarah is content in the bad and good times. I'm very bad at that. I'd rather party while life is going my way and hide in a hole when the world seems to be against me.

Christ remained the center in this trip. That's why it was so great. He blessed us. immensly. Even though I was selfish and acted like a loser...He gave me this weekend to remember.

Sarah Meadows is my wonderful friend. She's taught me and continues to teach me. Annie is my beautiful friend who has stood beside me and continues to stand beside me. I got to be with these two really cool people this week.

and I can't help but smile at the many, many good things that happened...
this is not the end. it's just the beginning. We have an eternity left to spend together(!)
photography by: annie